I’m fucking sick of the same old boring goddamn food blogs so I started this website to move away from all that bullshit. I don’t do luncheons, I don’t do macaroons, and I especially don’t have a husband and kids. My kids are furry and bark. They are the best fucking kids because they don’t do drugs, don’t talk back (except in a comical way), cost me very little, and they love me unconditionally.
I’m a fat ass lesbian from the pacific northwest who drinks too much beer and cooks and eats too many unhealthy recipes. I love food, I love beer, I love music, I love animals and I love being outside. I live on a fantastic island on the Pacific coast but since I am an asshole, I’m not going to tell you where. If I did you would fucking move here, or worse yet, become a tourist. I fucking don’t want you to move here and we already have way too many tourists who drive 10 miles under the speed limit as it is. So I am leaving my location broad, you don’t need to know where I live. However, as the Pacific, or left coast, insinuates, I am a fucking bleeding heart liberal. A goddamn snowflake, an “everyone should have health care” piece of shit that has a fucking opinion. If you don’t agree with that, that is fine. I don’t give a shit. If you start bashing me or anyone else because you think your opinion is the only opinion, I’ll tell you to fuck off and ban you from my site. I fucking hate trolls. You are entitled to your opinion, you are not entitled to bash others.
That being said, while this site is about cooking for assholes, I am not a complete asshole. I care about people, animals, the environment. My belief, however, is that everyone has a little bit of asshole in them and I’m tapping into my inner asshole. My other philosophy is this: Don’t be a dick! Being a dick and being an asshole in a comic format are two different things. If you leave a light-hearted funny comment that is cool and is welcomed. If you are a dick and remember I’m a lesbian, so I don’t like dicks, it won’t get published. I moderate all the comments so leave your dick comments and your spam elsewhere.
So what is the difference between a dick and an asshole? Very little. To me, however, a dick is someone who starts calling people derogatory names, belittling people, or in general thinks their shit don’t stink and no one else’s opinion matters but theirs. In essence, I’m talking about Trump supporters. You know who you are and you can go the fuck away. I’m not talking about all conservatives, I’m just talking about the Trump supporters who are racist, bigoted, closed-minded dicks and as you know, I don’t like dicks.
So if you are here to get some really awesome recipes that don’t bore the shit out of you, you are in the right place. If you are here to tap into your inner asshole in a fun and funny way, you are in the right place. If you are here to be a dick, go the fuck away.
If there is one thing my readers should know about this blog is that I love to learn about the shit I cook. What is the history? Where did it come from? Who the fuck invented it? Is there some interesting science behind it? These are some basic questions I like to research when I post a recipe. I also look at different ways it can be cooked and if I have some interesting story to share, I’ll share it. If you don’t like it, I could care less. There are a gazillion other food blogs for you to read instead of this one. If you want to remain stupid rather than learn something new you may not have known before, that is your choice. I choose facts, I choose science, and I choose to learn something new if I can.